Sunday, October 18, 2015

Post call..

Post call hari ini. Dan air mata turun dengan lebatnya. Percaya atau tidak saya sudah puas menangis dalam bidang ini. Sama ada semasa housemanship atau hari-hari kini sebagai medical officer.

Dan sehingga saya menyuarakan pada zauj, moga Allah mengambil bayi ini di awal kandungan kerana ibunya tidak cukup kuat menghadapi hari-hari mendatang. Zauj mengingatkan untuk tidak melayani syaitan. Begitu teruk oncall sehingga saya tidak pasti mampukah saya melaluinya dengan kandungan yang kian membesar kelak.

Dalam kesempitan perasaan yang mencengkam itu, Allah hadirkan seorang ukhti yang kini telah bergelar pakar. Saya titipkan mesej dan dia membalasnya dengan hati yang ikhlas. Allah, begitulah akhawat. Tak kenal tapi dekat.

Bacalah jawapannya. Saya rakamkan di blog maya ini sebagai ingatan kembali saat ingin berputus asa.

"i did mrcp - so it maybe a bit different than your situation.
having said that - i had to go through subs rotation as well.

i have no maid.
only have maid for 2/12 postpartum.
kids to nursery.
principle of housework: do the urgent necessary, delegate to others other things, optimise use of laundry shop/buy dryer/hang clothes dont fold
food most days bought/tapau
weekend-call maid to clean 4hours rm50. if maid cannot datang-pejam mata and try to ignore the mess haha
Husband to help with chores (but minimise the chores for him so that he can spend time with kids too)

pregnancy was a challenge.
i prioritised for me to have adequate meals and always brought sustenance like biscuits/drinks/roti everywhere for me to have energy.
memang tak larat but a lot of prayers helped.

studying
i did it everywhere and at anytime that is possible.
on the go.
curi masa.
while waiting for lifts.
while anak anak tengok tv/main activity book-while anak sleeping-while anak tgh mengamuk haha
basically i tried to train myself to read/study in whatever Non-Optimal condition.
weekends i try study more.
try to be systematic, targeted and ada strategy in studying.

one important thing- i try to feel NOT guilty towards kids
i do feel guilty but i tried suppressed it.
the more guilt u feel - the more u wont be able to do things.
BUT i promised myself i will be on track and study and pass my exam for their sake So that i will have more time with them later

i reminded myself always that my kids sacrifice a lot for me and thus i too have to make certain sacrifices and make sure the reward is coming.

i reminded myself that yes, i will miss certain activities, yes i did not spend a lot of time with them BUT i will make it up to them.

alhamdulillah 3 yrs forward and i am making it up to them.
and our relationship is good.
Biiznillah allah will guard your relationship with family if we guard our relationship with Allah

Lastly
the prayers
i really focused in my doa
my targets, my hopes, why i want to be specialist
all i poured out in my doa

you can do it
memang penat

On call memang teruk
i was one of the most Jonah
still am
i tried to be more efficient more cepat -ie by more reading/knowledge i can see i improved my speed of seeing patient /analysing patient
Post call- i surrendered myself to rest and just enjoyed the bits of minutes with kids
i can never study post call so i will always try to make it up during the next day
I forced myself not to ffeel depressed or upset about it
i tried to view oncall as one of my learning experience to become specialist always reminding myself this is what i want to do so might as well be good at it".

Moga Allah membalas jasa ukhti tersebut atas segala kebaikannya.

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