Sunday, November 18, 2012

Tempias..

Gambar penuh makna, As-Syahid Ahmad Al-Ja'bary membawa As-Syahid Syeikh Ahmad Yasin.

Syahid membawa syahid.

Saat menatap gambar ini teringatkan sesuatu...

Dan engkau sangka mereka sedar, padahal mereka tidur; dan Kami balik-balikkan mereka dalam tidurnya ke sebelah kanan dan ke sebelah kiri; sedang anjing mereka menghulurkan dua kaki depannya dekat pintu gua; jika engkau melihat mereka, tentulah engkau akan berpaling melarikan diri dari mereka, dan tentulah engkau akan merasa sepenuh-penuh gerun takut kepada mereka. (Surah AlKahfi: 18)

Pernah baca Surah Kahfi? Banyak sangat kisah yang ada dalam itu. Semuanya adalah kisah yang amat berat. Antaranya berkenaan perihal dakwah, perjuangan menyelematkan iman, kisah roh, kisah seorang pemimpin dunia yang hebat dan banyak lagi.

Pernah tak terfikir, kenapa dalam kisah-kisah yang begitu berat itu, tiba-tiba Allah menyebutkan perihal anjing di dalam ayat yang ke 18? Apa yang ada kat itu anjing sampai Allah rakamkan dalam Quran? Boleh je Allah tidurkan pemuda-pemuda itu sahaja, biarkan sahaja anjing itu mati jadi tengkorak dan tidak perlu pun nak dirakamkan di didalam AlQuran. Tapi kenapa anjing itu juga diberikan kelebihan disebut di dalam Quran sama seperti yang dialami oleh pemuda-pemuda Kahfi tersebut? Lepas itu kita ini semua membaca ayat Quran berkenaan anjing ini dan semua orang akan membacanya sehingga hari kiamat. Wah, hebat kan anjing itu? Apa yang menjadikannya hebat?

Allah mengurniakan anjing ini rahmat. Apa sebabnya? Ini adalah kerana anjing tersebut memperolehi saham lantaran kerana bersama dengan orang-orang yang soleh.

Hebat kan? Betapa pentingnya untuk bersama dengan mereka yang  boleh memberikan kita juga tempias dan sahamnya..

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Bukan kebetulan...

Hari ini hembusan tarbiah itu saya rasai lagi saat menziarahi seorang ukhti. Jujur kami tidak mengenali ukhti tersebut sebelum ini, namun dakwah dan tarbiah telah menyatukan kami sebelum pertemuan itu terjadi. Syukur pada Allah yang merezekikan masa untuk menziarahi ukhti tersebut. Sebenarnya kami menerima perkhabaran bahawa akak kepada ukhi tersebut meninggal kerana kanser lewat marsum maya. Dan ukhti ini belajar di luar negara. Ikhwah dan akhawat kita telah mengumpul duit membelikan tiket buat ukhti berkenaan supaya dapat pulang. 

Perjalanannya jauh. Ukhti tersebut tinggal di perdalaman kampung. Dan hujan turun dengan sangat lebatnya menemani perjalanan kami ke sana. Kami ada berfikir untuk pulang memandangkan banjir-banjir kecil yang terpaksa kami harungi sepanjang perjalanan. Namun Allah terus menguatkan hati ini. Di ketika yang lain, kami berhenti di satu tempat bertanyakan alamat pada seorang Cina. Dan pakcik Cina ini sanggup menelefon orang lain untuk membantu kami. 

Kami juga berhenti di beberapa rumah bertanyakan alamat ukhti berkenaan. Dan akhirnya Allah mentakdirkan pertemuan itu. Siapakah ukhti tersebut? 

Akak ukhti tersebut adalah pesakit saya yang saya ceritakan dalam entri 23 tahun. Dunia terlalu kecil. Malah saya mampu menyebut nama akak ukhti tersebut kerana ingatan yang mendalam terhadap akaknya. Pertemuan saya dengan akaknya cuma sekali, namun kami menangis bersama. Akak ukhti tersebut meninggal dalam keberkatan malam Jumaat. Saya merasakan dzuq yang amat saat menziarahi keluarga tersebut. Saya percaya Allah telah membersihkan akak ukhti tersebut sebersihnya.. 

Jadilah solat asar sebentar tadi penuh rona perasaan di dalamnya. Kehangatan tarbiah itu saya rasai, benarlah perjalanan hidup kita bukan kebetulan! 

Allah yang mentakdirkan saya yang tidak menjaga periphery untuk bertemu dengan akaknya. Malah Allah yang mentakdirkan pertemuan hari ini juga. Dalam keluasan bumi Johor ini, saya kira dengan logik akal, pertemuan itu mungkin 0.0000000000001% barangkali. Tapi Allah takdirkan pertemuan itu. Mengapa? Cukuplah untuk kita tahu ada hikmah di sebalik semuanya. 

Bak kata Assyahid Syed Qutb dalam muqaddimah fi zilalil Quran, "Hikmah itu adalah suatu hikmat ghaib yang amat mendalam dan mungkin tidak ternampak kepada pandangan manusia yang singkat".

Friday, November 16, 2012

Decision...

This is one of my favorite lecture.. And i took one of big decision in my life purely after listening to this lecture.. May Allah bless us all..

Salam alaikum wr wb

I wanna start by making a request in the spirit of the subject that we are dealing with.

At the end of my speech some of you might feel obligated... even out of a sense of what you've been doing already to applaud.

I don't think I'll benefit much from your applaud even though I appreciate the gesture but I think I'll appreciate more if you just make du'a for me & my family.

So that would be a favor that you would do for me and up for all of the noble scholars that are here that have presented... and if you've benefited from them then absolutely make du'a for them and also make du'a for their families.

I have very little to add to what's already been said in regards to this awesome subject but I do want to divide my conversation with you into two parts.

The first of them is something about my personal life something that has to do with du'a that I wanna share with you and it's not really as out of a spirit of boasting or you know exposing... but really I think it's something that many of you probably can relate to and maybe find even encouragement in and that I wanna share with you, my favorite du'a in the Qur'an.

Insha'Allahu ta'ala... and those are the only two things that I wanna do with you guys today.  I was about almost 20 yrs of age and I "absolutely" "head over heels" fell in love...

I went into a masjid in Ramadan. And I heard a remarkable scholar explain the Qur'an I had not read the Qur'an except in translation before that day and I heard him speak about the Qur'an in the form of almost a conversation.

And you know the Qur'an is Allah azzawajal speaking to us directly. And it felt like that for me for the first time. And he was doing this every night of Ramadan for about 4 hours every night to go through the entire Qur'an in this fashion.

And I attended this entire series with him because I was hooked completely, I was mesmerized by this Book. I was completely 'overwhelmed' that I didn't have any clue..no idea..what this Book was, that was always there and I always thought I have read something from it or some translation or something.

I have an idea what it says, I guess I know what it has to say. But when I heard what it "really" had to say for the first time. I felt that there's like this person in... there's this Book that I love so much and I have no relationship with it.

And of course the barriers were many including the knowledge of it but of course even the language. I had no idea what the Arabic language was. Not a clue!

The only thing that I could do at that time you know what it was? It's to make du'a :)

So I just asked Allah something very simple. I didn't even know how to ask it in Arabic or anything. I didn't know any duas by heart.

So I just asked Allah: "O Allah! I love Your Book". "I just love Your Book". And I'd love nothing more but to learn it and to teach it! Just make it easy for me to learn it. And make it easy for me to teach it. Because I love Your Book

That's all I asked And I swear to you by Allah! I am a terrible student of anything, "terrible" I mean specially languages I am absolutely horrendous.

I was not a good student in college. I used to hate studying. You know if anybody If I ever had sleep problems the easiest way for me to catch some sleep was to open up a text book 10 seconds later...

I'll have 12-13 hours of solid sleep Because... nothing will knock me out like studying But this teacher who was presenting the Qur'an also happened to be teaching an Arabic class.

And when I attended his class, Wallahi! it was like knots opening up. I couldn't stop studying. I couldn't put the books down. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I was doing like conjugations in my sleep. Going through grammar in my sleep. I was studying it in the train. I was doing it at work, at school, all the time!

I just became obsessed with it. And wallahi! what people around me found so difficult, Allah made it so easy for me. And I knew something had just happened. Allah has given me a gift in response to my du'a. And wallahi! I tell you... to this day, if I try to study anything else I have a hard time. But when I study Qur'an... I can spend hours & hours and hours... and it's easy for me.

Walhamdulillah! It's a gift of Allah to me. But this is something that I have personally experienced in terms of the "power of du'a". Just the power of du'a.

SubhanAllah! I don't mean to say this as a means of boasting but look I have... Walhamdulillah! I have taught Arabic courses all over the country. Maybe...close to now 15 thousand students. SubhanAllah! And not any of them have benefited anything except from the gift that Allah has given. And if they're able to continue that that entire benefit starts from one du'a. As far as I am concerned.

SubhanAllah! (Glory be to Allah). So that was a little bit about my personal story .But what I wanna really share with you is my favorite du'a in the Qur'an. And I think it's a very relevant du'a for pretty much all of us here in the audience.

And to set the stage for this du'a. I'm sure that some of you have heard me talk about this du'a before but I personally don't care. I'm gonna repeat it. Because (Qur'an verses)=> remind... reminder has benefit. So I hope to benefit myself & all of you with this reminder.

There's a powerful expression in the Qur'an. It's captured in two words. Those two words are "Qurrata A'ayun" The "Coolness of the Eyes".

A simple translation will yield=>coolness of the eyes. And it's mentioned in a number of occassions and it's also found in a Hadith of the messenger s.a.w.

Before I tell you how it's used in the sacred text, I want to tell you how the ancient Arabs used to use this figure of speech this expression. It's really a figure of speech.

So we can't really understand it literally. It means something more. In the Arab idiom, there were two expressions, without getting too technical with you guys.

There's the "eyes becoming cool" and the "eyes becoming warm". That's the first thing I would like you to know. The Arabs had two figures of speech. The eyes becoming cool & the eyes becoming warm. When somebody is shedding tears of sorrow. They're suffering the worst kind of fate. They're in deep depression & sadness and calamity. Then when you would look at them, the Arab would say at least that his eyes have become warm.

One of the worst curses you can curse upon someone in the Arabic language in ancient Arabic
"may Allah make his eyes warm" means...may he suffer the worst kinds of sorrows in his life. The exact opposite is what? The eyes becoming cool.

For your sorrows... for your sadness... for your pains to be removed completely and for you to feel peace and tranquility and joy like nothing else.

And I'll give you a simple example of coolness & warmth of the eyes before I continue. Imagine you're at the airport.. right. And there are two pairs. There's a pair of a mother & a son and another mother & another son. But this mother is saying farewell to her son, he's flying off somewhere. And the other mother is greeting her son, who flew-in from somewhere. And both of the mothers are crying. But one of them... her eyes are cool. And the other mother's... the eyes are warm. One is shedding tears of joy as she sees her son after many years.  She is crying too... but these are eyes becoming cool. But the other is letting go of her son. These are what? The eyes becoming warm. You understand the difference. Right?

A few pieces of context before I go further. The poet in Arabia says that the eyes of my tribe will remain warm. And he's actually an assassin also. Ya! poets are assassins...

It's kind of an Arab thing I guess but. So he's waiting on a sand dune, waiting to kill the tribe leader that has offended his tribe. And he makes poetry in the meantime. I guess he gotta lot of time. So he says: "my tribe's eyes will remain warm...untill my dagger isn't warm with his blood. In other words, when I kill this guy, then my tribe's eyes will become cool.

The rage, the frustration, the humiliation they feel will only disappear upon this guy's death. That's what I'm here to do to cool the eyes of my tribe. You understand?

So it's a means of relieving frustration and anger and ill-feelings. That's how the... in which context it's used. But then there's a final context that I wanna share with you in Arabic literature, where this expression is found. It's very beautiful actually. The Arabs used to travel in the desert and there is sandstorm. And in a sandstorm the Arab used to wrap his face up. Because obviously your face is being pounded with sand. Now the camel on which he is riding. Allah created the camel in a magnificent fashion. The eyelids of the camel actually trap sand and drop them. It doesn't even have to blink. It's got a screen in front of his eyes that captures sand and drops it. We don't have that... you know that "screen system" in our eyes. But the camel does. But now the rider, he can't afford to cover his eyes... can he? Because if he covers his eyes... what's the problem? He doesn't know where he's going.  So he has to keep his eyes exposed and so finally he finds a cave, he finds some refuge and he says interestingly: "my eyes have finally become [what]... cool".

In other words, in literature we find the precedent of the "eyes becoming cool" equated with --
finding refuge from a storm. Now I have set the stage for you for what this expression stands for but I still haven't told you my favorite du'a. Though I recited it in the beginning. This is at the conclusion of the 25th surah of the Qur'an, Allah azzawajal says [translation]:

HE tells us to say "Those who say -- 'Our Master, our Lord,gift us, grant us,  [you know in Qur'an we find *atinaa*], give us, to give a grand gift, gift us, an unexpected gift, a beautiful gift. This is a gift you are asking ALLAH to give you. This prepositional phrase is brought earlier, especially for us. We are asking for a special favor to ALLAH. And what is this favor that we are asking Allah azzawajal?

'Grant us from our spouses, and [not just our children],  [which is 'Aulad] future generations of us'. In other words, you are not even asking for your  immediate children. But your lineage from you know, for future generations to come, grant us from all of them -- coolness of eyes' make our eyes cool by means of our spouses and by means of our children.

And I say this is my favorite du'a for a reason. One, I am married and I do have children and a spouse. But two... all of us... all of us have to appreciate the power of this du'a, because of the crisis of the world today. The world's fundamental institution of family is under attack.

Most of the people here, even Muslims are not immune from this problem. In many of our homes, the storm that I said when you find coolness of the eyes, you find refuge from the storm. This storm is not "outside" the house. The storm is "inside" the house!

And you have to get away from home to get away from the yelling, and the screaming, and the name-calling, and the insults, and the depression, and the sadness, and the friction between husband and wife, and parent and children.

Our homes are broken. Brother is not talking to brother. Parents are not talking to children. How many of all the Shuyukh I can bet you..I can... I can... almost guarantee you..All of the speakers that have come to this conference. Some mother... some father... some husband... some wife... has come up to them and said:

'I have got this problem'
'I can't talk to my kid'
'he yells at me'
'we can't talk'
'he's doing these things that...
I don't know how to stop'
'my husband'... 'my wife'...

SubhanAllah! This is a crisis inside the home. And what better du'a to ask. The exact opposite you know the family has become a place of sorrow, of depression, of sadness, of anger, of rage. People feel like they wanna escape it  and here ALLAH tells us to ask so perfectly! So eloquently! That the home should become the place of refuge. It's like the outside world is a storm. And you suffer on the outside and your refuge... your safehaven... is those doors in your home. It's your spouse... it's your children.

When you see them your worries disappear. But for most of us when you see them your worries begin! It's the exact opposite. But I want to give you a further appreciation of just this remarkable beautiful phrase and how it's used in the Qur'an. Just I wanna explain this feeling to you that Allah wants us to have with our families.  There's some more elaboration of those feelings.

You know some of the most, the strongest emotions that exist in, that exist in human existence, The strongest emotions that I can think of is the emotion a mother feels for her child.  It is the strongest bond.  Many of you in the audience are married. And when you are first married you are obsessed with the husband, you are obsessed with the wife.

'you are so awesome!'
'no you are awesome!'
'how perfect Allah makes the pairs'
'I can't believe you are my husband'

You are like all weird in the beginning, yeah! People look at you funny, you know... the guy has got a goofy smile on his face, all the time you know. And the husband's name is mentioned and she gets shy. Ten years go by, the husband's name is mentioned [uhhh],  right... but anyway before that happens when you have your first child.  The husbands will realize this. You are talking to your wife about something, the baby is in the other room. You know the husband doesn't even have the ears for this one, the baby just does a little [ehhh]. That's it... that's all it does. And guess what happens to the mother. That conversation is over.He was in the middle of telling her how his day went and it was a really important meeting and... what.. where did you go! what happened! spider-sense goes berserk and you go in the other room and you pick up the child. Nothing comes between [who?] Mother and child. Nothing! Nothing comes between them. It is the strongest bond.

Now I am talking to the mothers in the audience for a second. Can you imagine the state of Musa's (a.s.) mother's heart?  She puts her baby in the water. You can't even leave your child outside in the hall. You start calling your husband, 'where is he?' 'where is he?' 'have you seen him' , 'where is he at?' You can't stop. You are 30 min late picking your child up from school. What happens to you, you know. I know, because I have been late picking up my kids from school before. So I know what my wife goes through. You didn't make it to the airport in time..Right...

You haven't seen your kids. You know even mothers in the home, when they can't see the child.

'Where did you go?' 'Abdul Karim' 'Abdul Karim' 'Where are you?'

'I am in the bathroom mom relax!' 'I'm here'

But there's this desperation. Can you imagine her feelings, she's putting her child in what is apparently certain death. Because what's behind is even more graphic. So she's in this desperate situation. Does she know what happened to the child? She doesn't. Can you imagine not knowing what's happening to your child? After they are... you know that they are in a dangerous situation. Can you even imagine this? SubhanAllah!

And on the other hand. I want to give you 2 women scenarios. On the other hand... and I'll promise I'll try to finish within five minutes.  There's another women who is in a story. In the same story. She's married to a really bad guy. What's his name? Oh yeah, Fir'awn (Pharaoh).  And you know some times women are in a difficult domestic situation. And usually in a society like ours, you can call the domestic hotline, you can call the cops if there's abuse.

Now we don't know if there's physical abuse, but the Qur'an certainly indicates psychological abuse. So much so, that she has to ask for rescue, right.  She's in this terrible marriage and she can't even call the cops. Why not? Because he (fir'awn) owns the cops. She can't complain to the government. Because he is the government. She has got nowhere to turn. So the only place she can turn to is who? Allah!

She is in the middle of this storm and she can't find a refuge. But when this baby washes up
you know what she says? Now think about this... She picks up the child and she says...

'he will be the coolness of my eyes for me' (read: Surah AlQasas)
'he will be my refuge from the storm'
'he will be my only source of joy because.. I am in the middle of sadness'

She's with this child...this childless women...is with this child now and...all of a sudden all her problems disappear . That's her first reaction to this child. SubhanAllah! And on a separate note she said...I won't discuss with you. She separated herself from fir'awn even in that

'he will be the coolness of my eye for me and even for you'

Even to fir'awn.  But she didn't say 'for us', 'coz she doesn't even associate herself with him. SubhanAllah! radhiAllahu anha (may Allah be pleased with her)

Now, one more thing...One last thing...Just about this coolness of the eyes. And why this du'a is so beautiful, and powerful, and eloquent.

You know when a mother has lost her child which in this case she has, and she is re-united with her child, can you imagine the feeling of a mother whose child was lost  and then she was re-united with it. Can you imagine the tears of happiness? Can you imagine that emotion?

Now understand how ALLAH describes that emotion. ALLAH tells his favor to Musa a.s. HE says...[translation] So WE returned you to your mother so her eyes could become cool, so her eyes...ALLAH is describing the most amazing joy! The most amazing relief! The most indescribable feeling in the heart of a mother! And what expression does HE use? 'The coolness of the eyes', to depict that powerfully.

And so we ask ALLAH, 'Give us from our spouses, and our children...coolness of eyes'. Thats what we ask ALLAH. When somebody said I wanna get married, go further, not just get married ....'I wanna get married to a spouse that will...cool my eyes.' 'That I will be the coolness of their eyes and they will be the coolness of mine.'

And ALLAH azzawajal took the du'a further and then we understand, why talk about future generations. And I'll conclude with this: 'And make us leaders over those who are cautious, conscious, fearful, pious, righteous, those who are fearful before ALLAH. And you know what makes you realize, It makes you realize your relationships right now are not just about you. You are setting a precedent in your family, for generations to come.

So when you are not acting as good husbands, and good wives and good parents, and good children, what are your future generations gonna be doing and who is gonna be answerable for that negative trend that was started by you.

Who is gonna be answerable for that? So it's an intelligent du'a that we should find coolness of the eyes not only in our immediate family, but the future generations should be people  that are righteous too. Because when we are raised on Judgement Day, we are imam (leader) over the entire family, whether they were messed up or not. So we better ask for the kinds of people, if they are underneath us (in lineage),  not those who are dragging us down on Judgement Day.

But those who are elevating us. And we beg ALLAH that HE give all of us. those kinds of families. So the biggest favor that you can do to me and the scholars here because none of us are immune from this. This du'a is something you and I ...Everyone... every Muslim.. And this is even something that non-muslims need today. They have no peace in their families. So I beg all of you sincerely, that we all make this sincere du'a to ALLAH, yes I know the time is up- 0 minutes... aah 0 minutes really nice.

Rabbana Hablana min azwaajina wadhurriy-yatina, qurrata 'ayioni wa-jalna lil-muttaqeena Imaama ...

I sincerely pray that ALLAH azzawajal gives all of us and makes from our spouses, and our children those that are the coolness of our eyes and that HE makes us an imam, a leader over those that are pious & righteous.

May ALLAH forgive all of our shortcomings accept all of our du'a, and make the means
of our forgiveness easy upon us.

This is at the end of Suratul Furqan (25:74)
Make Du'a for me too brothers & sisters!

1 Muharam..

1 Muharam, pena tidak mungkin mampu mengungkapkan segalanya.. 1 Muharam, tarikh yang terlalu bermakna dalam rentetan seerah, tarikh yang terlalu bermakna dalam kehidupan sahabat, tarikh yang menentukan perjalanan seerah yang seterusnya..

Dan 1 Muharam juga hadir merubah rona perjalanan kehidupan saya hari ini.. Seketika saat membaca perkhabaran Palestina, saya terfikir benarkah ya rabb apa yang terjadi hari ini? Di saat Palestina sedang terluka, aku masih di sini...

Lantas saya bermuhasabah akan fikrah saya sebelum ini.. Cita-cita mahu ke Palestina.. bercita-cita menisbahkan nama Assyahidah di hadapan nama saya.. Saya muhasabah tulisan atau cerpen Palestina yang pernah saya tulis.. Semuanya berbicara tentang syahid di Palestina.. Dan saya tahu di ketika itu, saya benar-benar ingin syahid di Palestina.. Mahu jadi doktor dan title doktor itu akan saya gunakan sebagai pelepasan tiket untuk ke Palestina..

Dan saya di muhasabah oleh seorang akak.. Benarkah itu yang Palestina harapkan dari kita? Jujurnya, bukan duit yang Palestina mahukan. Bukan juga demonstrasi jalanan. Palestina menanti pemuda-pemuda yang akan melaksanakan amal yang berterusan, yang kelak akan melahirkan satu daulah yang akan membelanya.. Duit, demonstrasi belum lagi mampu membela Palestina seperti mana kelak daulah Islamiah itu membelanya..

Dan di saat itu kita faham, setiap tindakan kita..Di ketika itu, kita mula beriman dengan maratibul amal kita...Dan apa yang terjadi hari ini dalam rona perjalanan kehidupan saya, saya harapkan ianya sebahagian dari amal yang berterusan itu...

Saya tadabbur seketika ayat-ayat hijrah itu...

Dan orang-orang yang berhijrah kerana Allah, sesudah mereka dianiaya (ditindas oleh musuh-musuh Islam), Kami akan menempatkan mereka di dunia ini pada tempatnya yang baik; dan sesungguhnya pahala (amal mereka yang baik itu) lebih besar di akhirat kelak, kalaulah mereka mengetahui. Mereka itu ialah) orang-orang yang bersabar (menanggung kezaliman) dan berserah diri kepada Tuhannya. (Surah Annahl: 41-42)

Hijrah, perubahan yang berlaku dalam hidup kita perlu kerana Allah semata-mata.. Dan kita mengharapkan semua itu menghasilkan natijah yang baik dalam kehidupan dunia dan pahala yang lebih besar lagi di akhirat kelak..

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Realiti...


(Saya sangat terkesan dengan tulisan Kak Aisyah sebabnya tulisan dia adalah realiti.. hidup... dan tulisannya adalah tulisan seorang hamba yang kerdil yang sedang bermujahadah)

Saya kira hanya Allah sahaja yang tahu mujahadah kita.. Ye, hari ini sangat terkilan.. Rasa gagal menjadi seorang murabbi untuk adik-adiknya.. Sangat terkesan dengan luahan hati seorang adik di blognya.. Rasa ditampar-tampar..

Sangat susah untuk membuatkan orang lain faham situasi kita.. Sangat susah.. Bukan mudah untuk ceritakan pada orang apa yang berlaku di hospital.. Tulisan Kak Aisyah adalah sedikit sebanyak realiti itu..

Betapa banyaknya  requirement yang dikehendaki untuk HO..Logbook, procedure, 50 clerking, 50 discharge summary yang perlu super mantap dengan ICD-10..assessment dan bermacam-macam lagi..

Dan dalam masa yang sama, perlu menjadi murabbi untuk adik-adiknya.. yang perlu mengisi SPI, yang perlu melihat mutabaah amal mereka, mutabaah amal dakwah mereka.. tahu sakit sedih mereka.. tahu A-Z tentang mereka..memenuhi expectation mereka yang sangat jauh dari kemampuan kita..

Dan kemudian, Allah takdirkan satu lagi tanggungjawab.. Satu sahaja sebab saya menerima tanggungjawab itu di saat terlalu banyak tanggungjawab yang ada.. Sebabnya saya mendengar satu ayat Allah dan kupasannya..

Isnin- Rabu ada program adik-adik sekolah (Alhamdulillah ada adik-adik IPT yang membantu), malam ini double shift sampai esok 5 petang.. No off day in between.. Another things going on on Thursday.. Beratnya ya rabb...

Cerita dengan Zaid, dan dia kata betapa Allah memberkati masa saya dengan semua itu.. Semua orang Allah kurniakan 24 jam, tapi sejauh mana maksima masa yang digunakannya.. Zaid, kata-katanya sentiasa menguatkan saya.. 

Pernah sekali saya ceritakan kelemahan saya padanya.. Dan dia kata, mungkin kelemahan itulah yang menjadi asbab saya masuk syurga..

Dan dia sedarkan saya kenapa saya perlu membuat semua itu? Allah atau selain Allah? Terkena..

Somehow, Allah sentiasa menghadirkan kekuatan itu..



Tuesday, November 06, 2012

Toyol dan hantu raya..

Hmm.. masa 1st HO assessment dalam posting ini, saya gagal dengan teruknya.. Saat assessment adalah hari ke 7 tagging. Setiap hari ke wad sebelum 6 pagi dan balik rumah hampir 1 pagi. Memang penat. Dan hari assessment itu sendiri, saya lambat sebab baru selesai buat pleural tapping pada seorang pesakit. Saya pandang sepi sahaja kertas itu. Fikiran saya tidak berjalan. Alhamdulillah tak kena viva dengan doktor pakar sebab saat itu saya sedang tagging.

Sangat kagum dengan kawan-kawan yang lain yang berjaya menjawab soalan itu. Hari ini saya tanya mereka tips mereka. Huhu, mereka beritahu saya mereka membawa toyol dan hantu raya.. Toyol adalah kertas nota kecil dan hantu raya adalah kertas nota yang besar. 

Hmm..dan hari ini HO assessment kedua. Hmm, saya dapat melihat begitu banyak toyol dan hantu raya hari ini. 

'Ala kulli hal, Alhamdulillah, Allah mentakdirkan saya seorang auditory learner yang tak pernah suka membuat toyol dan hantu raya..

Tapi kawan-kawan HO saya terus cuba membantu semasa assessment saat melihat beberapa soalan yang tidak saya jawab. 

Hmm...jadilah toyol dan hantu raya tarbiah besar untuk saya hari ini. 

Sayalah insan yang membasuh orang lain tentang qadar. Bahkan saya pernah menulis tentang qadar.....Allah...

Arghhhhh......bila semua orang nak faham tentang qadar? Sangat susah sebab semua orang desperate.. Kalau tak pass assessment dan viva, kena extend 3 bulan... Maka jawabnya, terciptalah toyol dan hantu raya.. 

Banyaknyaaaaaaa kerja kitaaaa........

Monday, November 05, 2012

Umattikunna...

Sangat malu bila seorang ukhti forwardkan tulisan ini di kalangan akhawat..sebab rasa kerdil sangat dan sebab saya sendiri bermujahadah.. Dan adakalanya benda yang kita kongsikan dan coretkan adalah sangat berat untuk diri kita juga.. Namun di sanalah tarbiah.. Ini sharing seorang ustaz yang terlalu saya kagumi di jalan dakwah ini.. Kami tadabbur kembali ayat ini di Teluk Ramunia..

Kami tadabbur Surah Ahzab bermula ayat 28 sehingga 33. Ada beberapa perkara yang kita ingin hal itu ada pada kita dan adik-adik kita. 

Poin 1: Sebagai akhawat, ada beberapa surah dan hadis dalam Quran yang perlu kita kuasai.  Ada perkara dalam Quran dan hadis yang  diturunkan untuk kedua-dua pihak lelaki dan perempuan. Namun di sana ada surah/ hadis yang turun  yang menyentuh aspek-aspek kejiwaan seorang wanita. Misalnya berkenaan dengan tarbiyatul aulad, kejiwaan wanita. Contoh-contoh surah adalah seperti Surah Ahzab, Surah Annur, Surah Maryam, Surah Annisa’, Surah Attahrim, Surah Attalaq dan beberapa surah lain.

Poin 2: Surah Ahzab di permulaannya menyentuh mengenai surah Ahzab. Namun ayat-ayat seterusnya ada menyebut tentang kewanitaan.

Poin 3: Ayat 28 adalah ayat berkaitan dengan rumah tangga dan menyentuh masalah keinginan perempuan. Misalnya naluri wanita yang suka melawa, bukan hanya pada perhiasan diri, bahkan pada perhiasan rumah, langsir dan lainnya.

Poin 4: Asbabun nuzul ayat-ayat ini menceritakan hubungan nabi dan isterinya. Nabi ketua Negara dan perkahwinannya adalah dengan anak-anak orang besar misalnya anak Abu Sufyan, anak Saidina Abu Bakar, anak Umar dan lainnya. Saidina Abu Bakar misalnya adalah sahabat yang kaya, bukan seperti Abu Darda’ dan lainnya yang biasa-biasa. Sememangnya ada sahabat yang kaya di Madinah, mentaliti dan gambaran pemikiran kita perlu melihat izzah seorang sahabat, jangan rasa sahabat seorang yang selekeh.

Poin 5: Apa masalahnya bila berkahwin dengan ketua Negara? Apa perasaan isteri-isteri nabi saat diziarahi oleh isteri pembesar-pembesar yang lain? Ada perasaan nak lebih sedikit. Kehidupan nabi adalah sangat biasa. Misalnya tapak kuburan nabi di Masjid Nabawi adalah gambaran rumah Saidatina Aisyah. Saiznya cuma lebih besar sedikit sahaja. Dan dalam kisah Hadithul Ifki, misalnya kalung Saidatina Aisyah yang hilang bukanlah kalung emas, lokek batu sahaja. Dan mereka pun tak sedar Saidatina Aisyah tiada di atas unta kerana ringan yang amat/ makan sedikit sahaja. Itulah gambaran kesederhanaan kehidupan isteri-isteri nabi.

Poin 6: Kerana kesederhanaan itu, satu saat timbul rasa nak minta lebih sedikit sahaja. Meskipun isteri-isteri nabi mendapat tarbiyah yang super mantap, masih ada kesedihan itu. Lantas turunlah ayat itu.

Poin 7: Even minta sedikit sahaja pun, Allah kata seperti meminta dunia dan perhiasannya.

Poin 8: Ada poin yang sangat ditekankan bila Allah sebut Fata'al –maka mari sini…umattikunna – ada sabdu tengah ..aku akan seronokkan kamu…wa usarrihkunna…dan aku akan ceraikan kamu… sarahan jamila ---penceraian yang cantik… Ayat ini sangat ganas. Eventhough isteri-isteri nabi lemah lembut, hebat segala-galanya, namun nada ayat sangat ganas sebab tahapan kita dalam tarbiyah. Nada yang sama tidak boleh ditekankan untuk mereka yang baru berjinak dalam tarbiah. Namun di sana ada ketegasan untuk mereka yang telah melalui tarbiyah ini.

Poin 9: Isteri nabi baru minta sikit, tapi Allah suruh nabi bagi pilihan terus. Sebab tak logik orang yang duduk dalam tarbiah boleh minta macam itu. Ada level dalam tarbiah.

Poin 10: Kalau isteri nabi, buat baik dapat dua kali ganda..kalau buat dosa pun dapat dua kali ganda. Satu amalan yang dibuat oleh dua orang..pahalanya berbeza..sebab niat dia, ihsan dia..Nafkah harta seperti satu bji benih…dari sebiji tumbuh 7 tangkai..gandaan 700 ratus.. allahu yudhaifu liman asyaa’’…Allah boleh gandakan lagi…camne Allah bagi gandaan itu? Keikhlasan dia…RM1 infaq hari ni dan esok lusa adalah berbeza.. Macam tu juga isteri-isteri nabi.. sebab tu dapat gandaan pahala lebih

Poin 10: Pahala di saat perlu memilih, Ada pilihan kahwin dengan datuk/orang biasa/ daie.. Kehidupan isteri-isteri daie  bukan mudah..Mustafa Masyhur misalnya masuk penjara 20 tahun..Bila keluar dah tak kenal anak..Penjara di tengah-tengah pedang pasir.. Siapa yang jaga anak dia? Isteri.. Kesabaran kongsi dua bukan maksudnya bahagi dua..dapat sama atau lebih ..bergantung pada keikhlasan..

Poin 11: Ya nisaan nabi.. lastunna ..asalnya laisa..tidaklah kamu..ka..kaahadin..seperti mana-mana peempuan..ahad bukan makna satu..Allah sebut kalimah ahad ini dalam surah Ikhlas… Unik..hanya mereka itu sahaja..Itulah gambaran role model kita....special sangat isteri nabi.. inittaqaitunna..sekiranya kamu bertaqwa.. fala ..Maka janganlah kamu.. merendah-rendahkan suara..mendayu-dayukan suara..macam orang bercakap dengan pakwe dia..fayatma’a..maka berkeinginanlah allazi..orang-orang yang di dalam hatinya maradhu.. Allah tidak membenarkan kita mendayu-dayukan suara..takut keinginan orang yang ada penyakit dalam hatinya..

Poin 12: Bila sebut ya nisa’an nabi, adakah perintah hanya untuk isteri nabi? Quran utk kita..kena tengok reason..bahasa usul fiqh… illat hukum..tak semua lelaki terpengaruh/ ada penyakit dalam hati..Cuma takut ada lelaki yang berpenyakit merasakan seperti itu…kata ulama’ asalnya ayat ini adalah untuk isteri nabi… Ada ke orang yang ada keinginan isteri nabi? Siapa yang cakap dengan isteri nabi? Sahabat-sahabat.. Kalau sahabat yang hebat…isteri-isteri nabi pun tidak boleh dikahwini disebabkan mereka adalah ummahatul mukminin…(ibu tak boleh kawin, haram)… Kalau dengan sahabat-sahabat nabi yang baik pun tak boleh..apatah lagi, bukan sahabat/ isteri nabi… maka jatuhlah hukumnya pada orang yang bukan isteri nabi juga..

Poin 13: Waqulna qaulan makrufa..adakah perempuan tak boleh bercakap? Bahkan kena cakap..fe’el amar qul..maka cakaplah dengan perkataan yang baik/ biasa.. Di tempat yang hak, perempuan memang perlu bercakap, tak boleh malu menyatakan yang hak…

Poin 14: Waqarna..tetap diamlah fibuyutikunna..asal satu rumah baitun, banyak rumah buyut…hai perempuan-perempuan duduklah di rumah-rumah kamu..dan janganlah bertabarruj …berlebih-lebihan dengan tujuan orang tengok..masa kenduri, lagi satu masa pergi kerja..bersolek..itulah tabarruj..kerana nak menampakkan..Perintah dalam ayat ini yang pertama kena duduk rumah..kedua tak boleh tabarruj…Disentuh juga tabarruj ketika walimah.

Poin 15: Kalau ikut ayat ini kena duduk rumah, larangan tak bole tabarruj.. So,boleh atau tak nak keluar rumah?..Boleh kalau ada keperluan..Hukum asal kena duduk rumah..kalau perempuan jalan, syaitan akan mempergunakan dia… Kalau tade kerja, tak bolej kuar rumah..apa kerja kita? Bukan pergi kerja doctor/ cikgu tu..tapi kerja daie tu..kita ada kerja lagi besar..menyelamatkan manusia…Bila itu adalah kerja besar besar kita, kerja lain jadi kecil..Pergi mana-mana pun kena niat menyelamatkan manusia..Dalam muntalaq, disebut kalau  duduk kat rumah zaman ini adalah berdosa sebab terlalu banyak kefasadan yang ada di luar sana. Maka, kena banyak lagi kuar rumah..

Ok, itu perkongsian dengan adik-adik untuk adik-adik sedar ada tahapan-tahapan dalam tarbiah. Dan perkara-perkara keakhawatan yang perlu dijaga oleh kita sama-sama. Peringatan utk diri sendiri terlebih dulu pastinya..

Lemas...

Tarbiah Allah adalah sangat halus. Jujurnya hati begitu menginginkan untuk hadir daurah. Namun Allah tidak mengizinkan kerana kerja. Double shift lagi. Namun ada sesuatu yang Allah ajar semasa kerja semalam.

Seorang pesakit saya adalah pesakit strok. Seharian saya berusaha untuk pesakit tersebut. Dia mengalami sawan selama 4 kali di wad. Kemudiannya tahap kesedaran (Glascow Coma Scale) mula merosot di wad.

Kami perlu memasukkan tiub untuk membantu pernafasannya (intubate). Selepas intubate, lama nak dapat ventilator. Tanpa ventilator yang berfungsi secara automatik memberikan oksigen, saya perlu ambubagging secara manual dengan tangan. Lama ambubagging, lebih dari sejam.

Saat itu bermuhasabah. Apa yang Allah nak ajar aku hari ini? Pesakit itu orang asli. Allah beri peluang berkenalan dengan masyarakat orang asli hari itu, berpeluang mendengar bahasa pertuturan mereka. Hebatnya Allah yang mencipta manusia dengan seribu wajah. Dan hebatnya Dia yang tidak menjadikan rupa sebagai ukuran, namun taqwa. Betapa adilnya Allah!

Setelah memperolehi ventilator, saya perlu mendapatkan CT brain sekali lagi untuk pesakit. Bukan mudah mendapatkan CT scan untuk pesakit, bukan mudah berunding dengan radiologist. Dan Allah mudahkan urusan itu. Kemudiannya menghantar pesakit ke bawah untuk CT brain. Kena ambubagging sepanjang perjalanan. Dan kitalah doktor yang perlu terus ambubagging pesakit sepanjang CT brain, memakai baju khas yang cuma mencegah sedikit sahaja dari sinaran radiologi.

Dan kemudiannya, menanti hasil CT scan. Dan hasilnya, stroknya telah merebak dengan sangat cepat. Saya perlu merujuk kes tersebut ke hospital besar yang mempunyai kepakaran dalam neurosurgeri. Saat itulah Allah menguji dengan sebenarnya.

Berjam-jam saya mencuba, namun doktor di sana tidak memperolehi email tersebut. Dua kawan HO saya yang lain juga cuba membantu, namun masih gagal.

Stress sangat. Sebabnya kita sedang bermain dengan nyawa. Setiap saat yang berlalu adalah nyawa pesakit. Dan GCS pesakit terus merosot. Ya Allah, stressnya.. Setelah lebih 4 jam berusaha dengan bermacam-macam cara, barulah Allah izinkan email itu dihantar. Bukan mudah, berkali-kali berusaha untuk copy paste slide CT brain yang banyak itu.

Saat sedang stress di hadapan komputer, seorang staff nurse yang duduk berdekatan bertanyakan soalan, "Doktor join usrah ye?" Allah.. Kenapa soalan itu perlu ditanya dalam kecelaruan hati dan perasaan. Kenapa soalan itu perlu ditanya saat stress yang mungkin menghilangkan identiti kita sebagai manusia yang ditarbiyah. Argghhh, di situlah tarbiah! Rupanya staff nurse tersebut pernah join usrah, masih berminat cuma tidak dapat memberi komitmen.

Ok, balik kepada pesakit. Menitis air mata saya kerana stress. Sebabnya, saya adalah orang yang diajar mengenai Qadar. Dan baru sahaja bincang dengan mutarabbi beberapa minggu lepas. Bukankah saya perlu meyakini bahawa Allah telah menetapkan semua perkara? Dan bukankah tugas saya adalah berusaha sehabis upaya?

Dan kemudiannya doktor di sana pun respons. Dia telah memperolehi email tersebut. Dan dia mengakui strok pesakit tersebut sangat besar. Dan tiada apa yang dapat dilakukan. Hanya rawatan secara konservatif. Saat dia menelefon saya, suara saya kelihatan sedih bila dia menyebut konservatif dan dia bertanya, "Why you are sad? Is the patient someone close to you? Is she your relative?"

Saya katakan tidak. Dan doktor itu sangat baik. Dia kata, "Nevermind, you already done your best".

Dan malam bila doktor pakar round dan melihat CT brain pesakit itu, dia pun mengatakan hal yang sama. Tidak banyak yang boleh dilakukan untuk pesakit.

Terlalu banyak muhasabah yang saya pelajari semalam.

"Dan berjihadlah kamu di jalan Allah dengan jihad yang sebenar-benarnya." (Surah AlHajj: 22)

Saya ingat lagi seorang ukhti berkongsi tentang ayat ini dalam satu siri ISK. Betapa jihad itu dianalogikan seperti orang yang sedang lemas di lautan. Dan dia masih cuba menginjak-nginjak kakinya agar tidak lemas. Kena berusaha sehabisnya, dan itulah jihad. Cantiknya bidang perubatan kerana itulah yang kita lakukan sehari-hari. Bila kita melakukan CPR pun, kita berusaha sehabisnya.

Dan saya bermuhasabah. Bilakah akan tiba saatnya, saya dapat melakukan hal yang sama dalam dakwah dan tarbiah? Bilakah saatnya hati saya akan 100% pada dakwah dan tarbiah ini?

Saya stress yang amat dengan setiap saat yang berlalu saat saya berusaha menyelamatkan nyawa pesakit tersebut. Bilakah saya akan mengerti dan akan stress dengan umur umat ini? Atau barangkali umur sendiri? Detak jarum saat terus berlalu menyedarkan kita umur yang kian berkurangan.

Dan saya tertanya-tanya pada hati sendiri. Kenapa perasaan saya begitu kuat pada pesakit tersebut? Dia bukan kenalan saya. Orang asli, Kristian lagi. Naluri kemanusiaan barangkali.

Dan saya bermusahabah mengenai hubungan yang lebih besar dari hubungan kemanusiaan iaitu tali hubungan aqidah. Adakah saya masih punya perasaan pada ummah, merasa sakit dengan keparahan mereka? Stress dengan keadaan mereka?

Ya rabb, ampuni kami di saat kami menganaktirikan dakwah ini...
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